


I’m So Sorry, I Love You

by ImaMakeYouTurnThePage



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Jamie Benn gets murdered, M/M, Spencer Reid as Unsub, Unrequited Love, its not really derek/spencer, sorry hockey fans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 04:04:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19822165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaMakeYouTurnThePage/pseuds/ImaMakeYouTurnThePage
Summary: Spencer never meant for this to happen. He never wanted to hurt him. Never wanted to slice his throat. If only he hadn’t seen what Spencer was truly capable of.





	I’m So Sorry, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, sooo Spencer is an Unsub, and for those of you that don’t like hockey, Jamie Benn is a hockey player. dunno why he’s in D.C, probs a game against the Caps. This is all a work of fiction, pls don’t come for me NHL. Also if you know anybody in this fic, pls leave.
> 
> P.S i know the formatting is off, i wanted it to indent the paragraphs but i’m tired and this is for a fandom wars challenge.

Spencer never meant for this to happen. He never wanted to hurt him. Never wanted to slice his throat. If only he hadn’t seen what Spencer was truly capable of.

***

Reid had been called into Hotch’s office to assist on a consultation for the D.C police department. A body had been discovered buried at the edge of town, with her brain taken and with her body opened in a similar fashion to an autopsy.

“This one has left the local police baffled and Police Chief Lawson contacted me directly, he wants this one solved quickly,” Hotch said in his usual stoic tone.

“And what do you need my opinion on?” said Reid. If this was any other case, he would have been fine. But this wasn’t an ordinary case, this was his work and photographs of it was on Hotch’s desk. There was only photos of one body, could he hope that they didn’t know about the 16 others he killed the past 13 years?

“Do you think he will strike again?”

Out of sheer self preservation, Spencer pulled some bullshit information out of his head to cover his tracks and give himself time to think properly, “ Well, this person appears to be searching for something, and her brain was taken and we do have to account for the fact that the body has started to decompose. I think that he found what he was looking for. 96% of seria- uh murderers, who were looking for something, found it.”

Hotch stared into what Reid felt like was his soul, or the bits and pieces of what’s left, before saying, “I’ll take your advice on this and pass this information along to Police Chief Lawson. 

Reid walked calmly out of the man’s office, out of the building and sprinted to his car. Spencer had to get home. 

***

Morgan was at his desk when he saw Reid leave Hotch’s office. He seemed to be in a hurry, and was that sweat on his brow? Derek wanted to help, so he made his way to the parking garage in time to see Reid run to his car then drive off like nothing was wrong. He had to go and talk to him, to make sure he was feeling okay, physically and mentally. 

***

How had the police found the body, the body of Aubrey Lovell? That’s what Spencer had kept asking himself. If the police could find her, they could maybe find the other 16. He came to the conclusion that he needed to get rid of number 18. 

When he arrived home, he made a beeline to his basement, where number 18, Jamie Benn was being held. Spencer didn’t pick men often, but he also didn’t discriminate. If they were predisposed to schizophrenia, they were a part of his victim pool. Being able to hold their brain, and pick it apart to see if he could tell if they would become schizophrenic had become like dilaudid to him. 

When Spencer did pick men, they were always stocky and well built, Reid was always curious at what lay hidden beneath skin. While he could always read what was there, he liked feeling in his hands and seeing the layers of muscle and tissue for himself. That’s what he had planned for Jamie Benn. 

***

Derek followed Reid to his house and parked just out of sight of his house. He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to go up to his door, he kept opening the car door, only to shut it a few moments later. When he had finally built up the courage to get out, it had been almost an hour. 

***

While Spencer wouldn’t consider himself a sadist, he wouldn’t kill his victims before the autopsy. He had found that he likes the constant flow of blood gushing into their abdomen. He just didn’t get off on their pain, he liked, no, loved how it looked when they bled out. 

As he approached Jamie who was bound on the metal table, his adrenaline shot up and he felt alive. The big man started squirming on the table once he realized he was naked. This was all part of Spencer’s ritual, after all, the bodies are naked when M.E’s perform the autopsy. 

In one practiced movement, Spencer hopped onto the table and straddled number 18. He leaned over to the cart next to the table and grabbed the scalpel. Once upright again, he dragged his fingers from the top of the other man's shoulders all the way to his hips, making a hypothesis of what he’d find beneath. 

His first incision is over the man's right pectoral and the second over the left, leaving a trail of blood in its wake. Jamie was whimpering and whining while trashing on the table, Spencer had to lay all his body weight on the man to get him still for the third incision. Reid then connects the two incisions with a third, going from beneath the man’s chest muscles all the way to his groin, forming a Y on his chest. 

***

When Morgan gets to the door he takes a deep breath and knocks. He’s standing there for a few minutes when he decides he’s going inside no matter what. Derek walks around the house, seeing if any windows are unlocked when he hits the jackpot. There was an open window above the kitchen sink that he opened and crawled into. 

Once he was in the kitchen he looked around briefly downstairs before heading upstairs. He checked in Spencer’s room, which was littered with books which was the same as all the other rooms upstairs. Maybe Reid was in the garage, but much to Derek’s surprise there were a lot of tools. He didn’t peg Reid as the handy type, when a hatch in the corner of the garage caught his eye. 

***

The stocky man known as Jamie had long since passed out once he made the third slice. Spencer has examined every organ and held them in his hand. This man had been very interesting, while not appearing too muscular, his insides told a different story. He was still sat upon the man’s legs, because he had found it gave him a better angle to discover and remove their organs. 

Now it was time for his favorite activity, removing his brain and prodding around in it. He heads over to the ladder in the corner of the room to go into the garage and grab the power saw. He had forgotten it in the rush to dispose of the man, who was now surely dead. He was about to open the hatch when he heard shuffling above it. 

Reid sprinted back over to the table to grab the scalpel and prepare for whoever was in his house, and discover his secret. 

“Reid, you in there?” Morgan said with a curious voice as he opened the hatch. 

Reid knew that voice, worked with that voice. But why was Derek here now? Spencer could even go as far as saying he had unrequited feelings for the man and that he loves him , and maybe that’s why he sought out stocky men. 

“Okay pretty boy, I’m coming in. You left today in a hurry looking worried. I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” said Derek as he dropped down into the basement. 

Pretty boy, he had said pretty boy. Spencer always had a weak spot for that name and loved when he was called it. 

He was hiding next to the ladder behind a storage shelf. It was then that he heard the subtle click of Derek taking the safety off of his gun. 

Reid knew what he had to do then. He always knew deep down that he could never have a normal relationship, no matter how hard he wanted to.

Spencer slowly snuck up on Derek who was looking stunned and confused at number 18 who was laying flayed open on the table, lifeless. He never wanted to hurt Derek, but he had to. No one, not even him could know what he truly was. 

In one swift movement, he locked the man he loved into a choke hold, Derek’s hands were pulling desperately at his arms as he dropped his gun, but he couldn’t let him go, so he whispered, “I’m sorry, I love you and I never wanted it to come to this,” before slicing Derek Morgan’s neck.


End file.
